





Just doing a quick update to the list. Here's a special on every job that Nicola Tesla shouldn't do. A quick rundown of Tesla: mad scientist incarnate. You name it, he tried to make it.
1. Demolition expert:
Tesla might be the perfect demolisher... if he could stop at one. More likely he'd implode the building and then move on to the neighborhood.
2. Meteorologist:
He'd never be wrong because he'd use his weather machine to make sure his predictions came true. He'd then make the weather more interesting with extra rains of fire, frogs and hurricanes. That's right, a rain of hurricanes.
3. Seismologist:
He'd get bored and try to shake things up a bit.
4. Astronomer:
Get bored and blow up a planet or a galaxy.
5. Ornithologist:
The damn bird would fly too fast, so he'd pull his death ray and slow it up a bit.
6. Radio personality:
If someone pissed him off over the phone, he'd run a current through the lines and electrocute them. And the audience wouldn't be safe, either.
7. Power grid repair engineer:
He'd replace power lines with air-core resonant transformers. ZAP!
8. Policeman:
He'd just blow all the crooks out of their shoes and call it a day.
9. Tech support:
50/50 he'd either zap the person using the phone line or tell them how to turn their toaster into a heat ray.
10. Artillery:
Do I even have to tell you why you don't want Tesla near the howitzer?
11. Web designer:
If there's anyone who knows the CSS for "Zap the end-user" it's Tesla.
I'm sure that the list could go on much further, but I think you get the picture.
By the way, here is some commission info.
Willing to do short stories in a variety of styles. Price and length negotiable, but for the most part I'll be charging $20 for the first 1000 words and an additional $10 for each 1000 words up to $50, where you get a bonus 1000 words. Beyond that is quite negotiable. If you want a serial, I count each section as a separate submission for pricing purposes. If you want an extension, then I drop the introductory $10. I recently found out that the going zine rate is about five to six times this, so consider yourself 80% discounted.
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Bard? Barbarian? Lumberjack!
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Member of .::Apophysis::. .::UltraFractal::. *Tubaholics-Anonymous
Join us on #Aposhack
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Bard? Barbarian? Lumberjack!
After reading your Daily Daleks, I've been convinced to start making them again.
Thanks for the inspiration, and PLEASE! keep posting stuff, you are effing funny.
Oh hey, I don't mean to sound like an idiot, but what is magestorm?
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"writing dialogue is like trying to crack a safe - you just keep working it till something clicks. Pros can use drills and explosives."
-------Piro-San
Thanks also for the compliment. I've still got plenty in reserve, though I keep forgetting to write down the new ones that occur to me.
Magestorm was a multiplayer RPG/FPS that started around 1997, and ran almost changelessly until 2006 when the company that ran it was bought by EA and the server was shut down. I consider it to be the best game ever made for PC. To paraphrase Obi-Wan, it was an elegant MMO from a more civilized age. We had a community that was founded back when swearing on the internet was considered bad manners, and we stuck to that. Someone I talked to said WoW takes away your soul. Well, Magestorm gives it back. My sis hasn't played in 10 years and still dreams about it.
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Bard? Barbarian? Lumberjack!
I play WoW, and it hasn't gotten my soul, but one of my best friends has been lost for almost half a year now!
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"writing dialogue is like trying to crack a safe - you just keep working it till something clicks. Pros can use drills and explosives."
-------Piro-San
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Bard? Barbarian? Lumberjack!
which then links to [link]
I might just
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"writing dialogue is like trying to crack a safe - you just keep working it till something clicks. Pros can use drills and explosives."
-------Piro-San
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